Dating 3 months after death of spouse

Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. This may be in a month; it may be in five years. Even if your spouse said she wanted you to date again, you will feel odd about asking someone out. And when that first kiss comes, a whole bucket of emotion is going to spill.

Men, not so much. Anyone you date will be a different person and it will be a different relationship. The person you date will have a different set of likes and dislikes.

You are going to have to tell them who you are, and you are going to have to share your feelings. You can casually chat with people you find attractive and see how you feel. Date when you feel ready. You can go out with someone without calling it a date, and without any thoughts of it being romantic or leading to marriage. You can just enjoy an evening out and make a new friend.

Sparks are fun, but you may need to get out of the house and be among people more than you need romance. Now is a good time to take stock of your life, because the last time you probably did this was 10 or 20 years ago.

Ask yourself a whole bunch of questions. What did you like about being married? What did you dislike? Was there something you wanted to do that was set aside because of the marriage or the illness of your spouse -- like hike the Appalachian Trail for six months, or live in a yurt on an island off the west coast of Scotland?

Do you want to move to a different part of the country? You have the opportunity to figure these things out and try new ideas. Then, when you start dating, you and the other person will know what you want. Try living alone for a while. John Bayley, the husband of Iris Murdoch, the British novelist and philosopher, "fumbled" around with two women after Iris died not knowing what he wanted in a new relationship, or what the women wanted who showed up on his doorstep.

When he realized that he wanted companionship, he began dating a woman who wanted the same thing. Listen to your heart. Now that you can respond in romantic ways to people you find attractive, you may feel unsure about your ability to casually chat and be interesting to other people.

You may have forgotten how to flirt. Build up your confidence by talking with people you find attractive at social gatherings. You know what I mean.

After you date someone for a while, you will know if you want more from the relationship. Your heart is big enough to both grieve and love someone new. Whatever you do, be honest with yourself and be honest with the other person. A version of this essay was published by the Good Men Project. This post is part of Common Grief , a Healthy Living editorial initiative. The deep sorrow that accompanies the death of a loved one, the end of a marriage or even moving far away from home, is real.

But while grief is universal, we all grieve differently. So we started Common Grief to help learn from each other.


Sometime after the death of your spouse, you will think about dating, especially if you liked being married. This may be in a month; it may be in five years. Whenever you start, you'll probably. Dating Etiquette After Spouse Dies by Emma Wells. Abel Keogh, author of several books on dating after the death of a spouse, wrote in “Dating a Widower” that the right timeframe for one person might be several weeks, while for another it could be several months or .

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